This one time, at band camp…
Just kidding; I’ve never been in a band or really at camp. No flute stories 😉
Head’s up warning though: Buckle Up Bitches, I’m taking ya for a ride today!
Once upon a time, a client said to me “you don’t understand, this is EASY for you”. She wasn’t the first; in fact, it’s been said to me so many times that I can’t count. It’s easy, for me. Of course it is. Cause if you make it about me and my stuff and my commitment and my dedication and all the things in my life that are easy, then we don’t need to focus on what you’re NOT doing, right?
I didn’t say that… what I did say was: This IS EASY? Explain. Tell me more, I’m interested to know why you view us so differently.
“You love this, it comes easy for you”
“You’ve never been obese, you don’t understand”
“I don’t have the time you have; like I have to “work”‘.
“My husband doesn’t support me, not like yours does, my family won’t eat healthy”
And my favourite,
“You don’t have kids, you have lots of time to do this stuff”.
Jesus, tell me how you really feel. You know what’s easy? Rolling the fuck back over when the clock goes off at 4:45AM. You know what’s easy? Working in an office 9-5,where I’m miserable instead of doing what I’m passionate about because that would be convenient. You know what’s easy? Thinking you know someone’s story; no I’ve never been obese – because I was too busy trying to find ways to stay skinny – like sticking my fingers down my throat, abusing laxatives and starving myself, overexercising, taking fat loss & diet pills. What would be easy would have been continuing on that road – a lifetime of dieting. But deciding to fix it by dealing with my relationship with food and body image -not the easy route.
And time? Baby, you are barking up the wrong fucking tree. I don’t sit here and think my life is “busier” in fact, I’ve specifically dedicated my life to slowing down, finding ways to find more me time and I won’t apologize for that. If you want to glorify busy, go ahead, but I won’t apologize or defend what I make a priority in my life to spend my time on. But you have no fucking idea how busy I am or what I do. I don’t watch TV. Ever get a candy crush request from me on FB? You wanna glorify busy and make excuses why you can’t workout because you’re too fucking busy? I’m busy. The president of the United States is busy. Beyonce is busy. But do they hit the gym? Yes. Busy is a mindset. You tell me you can’t work out because you don’t have time but you send out 5000 fucking game requests a day. If you’re too busy to exercise 3x -5x a week to take care of your physical and emotional health, then you need to…more than anyone else. Get real with yourself for a minute. Are you actually over scheduled or are you just fucking around with shit that is meaningless and then tell yourself and everyone else that you’re busy? Yeah…so if you’re really committed to something else, then you’ll be willing to take a good hard look at your schedule, where you spend your time and how can it all be managed to make sure you have time for the priorities in your life.
My husband does not eat the same meals I do. 12+ years and we share the “main” sometimes, but most of our meals (90%) are not the same. I could sit around and whine about how he gets to eat pasta and burgers with the bun AND cheese for God’s sake, I could eat it with him, get fat and then blame it on him because he has a good metabolism or just doesn’t give a shit. I could do that. Or I could cook my own meal and he could cook his own meal. Who fucking said we need to get married and turn into “twinsie’s”. Would it be easier if he ate the same food? Yes, cause I do most of the cooking and it would make life easier. But when I don’t have time to cook for both – I cook for me. And he cooks for himself. Or he eats take out. I can blame him or I can decide to change my life because it’s, well, my responsibility for what I shove into my mouth, no matter who eats what in front of me. It’s like going into the food court, eating french fries and gravy and blaming it on the restaurant for being there. You could have chosen the salad at anytime. But instead you choose to eat crap and blame it on anyone other than yourself. Easy is doing what everyone else is doing and then blaming them for you doing it!
And my favourite, this gets thrown in my face constantly and it offends me, as I am the proud mom of 2 chocolate labs… like for real, they take up a massive amount of my time. I walk them everyday, twice a day. I cook their meals for them. I play with them. I groom them. I teach them tricks like running on the treadmill – time/connection with my girls everyday. Like you do with your children. But let’s put my awesome dogs aside for moment. No, they’re not human children. I don’t have schedules to keep, driving to practices, events, homework, etc. However, it’s the life you chose. Just like I chose to raise my dogs in a way where they require a massive amount of attention. I catch myself “blaming” them for my lack of productivity sometimes, then I check myself because I remember – this can’t be their fault! Sometimes, I wonder what it’s like to be those children who are “blamed” for everything that is wrong in a parents life… time, money, overweight, stress, etc. It’s a lot of blame for the “best thing that ever happened to you”, don’t you think? I have some amazingly awesome friends who are mom’s, who work full time in serious ass kicking careers, are married or some of which are single moms, and they’re doing it. They’re working out, they’re eating healthy, they’re prepping food, they’re working full time, they’re managing a household and budget, they’re at dance recitals, soccer practice, hockey practice and GASP – they still manage to hit the gym, run or get a workout somewhere somehow someplace. Because it’s a priority, so they make it happen. You might use your children as an excuse but if it was truly something that was important to you, you’d find a way to make it happen – you’d do it before they got up in the morning, you’d do it on lunch break at work, you’d do it after they went to bed – I can list hundreds of my mom friends who are doing it right now, when it’s not convenient at all for them to do it. While you might tell me that it can’t be done, I look and I see people doing it, every day.
You know what’s easy?
Blaming everyone and everything around you – work, time, money, kids, spouses. That’s the easy part. Skipping your workout to go for drinks with friends, that’s the easy thing. Rolling back over when the clock goes off, that’s the easy thing. Blaming finances – that’s the easy thing. Blaming time – that’s the easy thing… because you’ll get a lot of agreement there. You won’t get a lot of resistance, except from the people who are doing it. The ones who don’t have a lot of expendable income, the ones who have 3 or 4 kids, the ones who are single mom’s, the ones who are stay at home mom’s, the working mom’s – look around you – there’s proof everywhere that people who have it worse than you are doing it right now.
Getting my ass out of bed every day at the crack of dawn to run/hike/workout wasn’t the easy choice. Eating the salad when my husband was eating the pizza wasn’t the easy choice. Budgeting money for a trainer when my husband was unemployed and I was into my first year of self employed (can you say broke?) because I needed extra help, that wasn’t the easy choice. They weren’t easy choices until I made them easy choices. Because every time I chose something different, I built resilience, willpower and desire. I changed my mind about food. My food is my responsibility, not my husbands. I changed my mind about exercise because there was a time I hated sweating; now my body is my machine and it’s my responsibility to keep it fit and healthy, even when it’s not convenient. I am busy, but it’s not an excuse to not exercise or eat healthy for me. If I’m too busy for a workout, then I need to adjust my life schedule. If it’s not time but motivation, then I need to hire a coach or a trainer or find a buddy. It’s my responsibility to take care of my life. No one else can do it for me.
So is it easy? It can be easy. But it comes because of a decision to make it that way. It wasn’t always easy. But the only thing that stood in my way was the bullshit excuses I told myself, just like your mindset and your bullshit excuses about why you can’t, is the only thing holding you back and until you see that, you’ll never get it.
In fact, you’ll probably just call me a bitch and say “she don’t get it, cause she don’t have ____” And that’s where you’ll stay – in the blame game, being a victim of your life. I’m not a victim. I stand up every fucking day and decide what I want it to be and then I go do it. Do I have bad days and off days? Of course, but I brush myself off, remind myself of what I want long term and then make it happen.
No one ever created true and lasting transformation in their lives until they got tired of their own bullshit. When you realize that you comparing your life to mine and seeing that it’s different for me, that I can do it because of ____ and you can’t because of ____ then that’s where you will stay, until you realize we’re all fighting the same challenges… it’s not the problem that stops you, it’s your attitude about the problem.
Mad Love World 😉 Buckle up and toughen up – face your challenges, face your fears, face your own bullshit and you’ll be able to overcome it all!