All For Show…

The highlight reel – the avocado toast, the best hair, nails, dinners out, family photo’s of blissfully happy people.

The reality reel – going to bed lonely, feeling like you don’t know the people in the pictures with you, the unending loneliness and feeling like something is missing.

Add a filter, pose, make me look skinny, make me skinny, get the new job, the promotion, the make more money, buy more things, get this vehicle, live in this house – a never ending cycle of more to cover up what’s missing.

Now don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with stuff and living the abundant life. But stuff will never replace what most people seek in that stuff. We think if we lose the weight it will make us something else. If we get the job or promotion or make X amount of money it will change who we are.

It won’t.

Not when it’s all for show. Not when it’s all for surface level. Not when it’s all to project an image of something that isn’t real – it’s a reel, a story spun to put a bandaid on a wound. Nothing outside of you can fix what’s missing from the inside.

A new car, a new hair style, losing 5, 10, 50lbs, a new job all may make you feel good temporarily but the reason the shine fades so fast is because that space, that hole is still there, still gnawing at you.

And maybe if you can get to the next level you’ll be enough? Maybe then you’ll convince yourself you’re not a loser, you’re not your biggest fears. But one day, you realize that all of that stuff has done nothing to change anything.

With all of things amassed, all of the things that are supposed to make you happy – the relationship, the career, the money, the friends, the cars, the trips – the insta-reel of happiness – boxes ticked on a list – yet you’re not.

There’s a sinking feeling of loneliness, of not being here, not being present, not able to enjoy the life you’ve built, unsure of the things you have. Does this job make you happy? Does it fulfill you? Or are you going to a job you hate, counting down the hours until you have to leave?

Is your relationship fulfilling or have you become strangers playing a game? Does your person know your soul? Can they see you, feel you, know you? What you really crave? Can they own you in all the good ways and let you stand on your own and catch you when you fall?

Do you have “enough” financially? Do you waste on mindless things, satisfying an in the moment whim to feel better with a sparkly object, new $50 lipstick, $500 dinners out, but can’t “afford” to eat healthy. The latest gadgets, the newest models, the constant upgrades to your technology but you find yourself constantly broke and wishing for more…

When will enough be enough? How much stuff will be enough? How much bigger of a house, a car, the next relationship will make you feel good, better, whole?

You’re upgrading everything constantly but when was the last time you upgraded yourself? When was the last time you invested in yourself? To run off on that retreat, to downsize so you have less worry and more freedom, meditated, the last course you took or book you read?

The truth is there is nothing outside of you that can fill the void you feel inside. That emptiness, that loneliness is a disconnect from you, from the earth, the universe, from each other. We crave things and we’re filling them with stuff instead of life.

And it’s satisfaction is fleeting until that feeling comes back again. And you need another fix and another fix and another fix until you’re an addict. I find it so interesting the people who judge drug addicts and the homeless. Their addiction might look different on the outside but it’s still from the same place of addiction.

Yours might be more socially acceptable and more easily hidden because we live in a world that rewards us for getting more stuff and critics us for downsizing – as though there is something inherently wrong with those who want less, who want more freedom, who want less chains and expenses.

Yet it is what we all crave.

The freedom to choose. But most of us have traded the freedom of choice, of freedom of being, the freedom of expression, freedom of creativity for stuff – jobs to buy the stuff we don’t want or need to impress people we don’t even like and who don’t like us.

Because we’re told that’s what makes us successful. But is it really? Is having all the stuff what makes us successful when we’e lonely, scared and living in stress, fear, doubt and worry everyday?

Or is true success finding a way to live more meaningfully? Is fulfillment the ultimate goal but we’ve been taught fulfilment comes with stuff only to find out it does not. Are most of us just living the wrong dream?

I know I was. When I realized I was building my business, my empire at a cost of my life, everything changed. When I realized that having a super successful business was robbing me of living my life, I stepped back and took an inner journey.

My business is my legacy, my expression, my place of fulfillment. It is my passion and my purpose to help people, to give back, to make the world a better place because I lived. My last business was a way of proving to myself that I was enough. And no matter how much money I made I never felt enough. No matter skinny, it wasn’t enough.

Because the feeling of being enough couldn’t be found outside of me. It came from inside of me. ow my business and the stuff I have in my life are garnish, I am blessed and grateful for them, but they do not make me, me. Now I realize that having these things is a privilege. And having the ability to influence people’s lives and help people make those 2 mm shifts, turn their pain around, change life long habits is a privilege.

That shift came with recognizing I was living the wrong dream. I was after things and stuff for the wrong reasons. Nothing could give it to me. Nothing was enough. Except when I went inside and found all the bits and pieces of me and stuck them back together.

When I finally felt “enough” what stuff meant, changed. When I finally felt “enough” what I put into the world and how I put it into the world, changed. I would never have said back then I was doing it “all for show” but I was convincing myself that “more” would fix everything.

And I see it every day in my friends and families newsfeeds – more outside stuff won’t fill what can’t filled with stuff.

Food won’t fill the void, new shoes won’t fill the void, more money won’t fill the void. They will temporarily, but once the new wears off and the loneliness creeps in, the sadness sinks in and the realization that what you put in your highlight reel is to impress or convince who?

If you’re constantly searching for the next thing or place that will “fix everything” I’d suggest looking within.

That’s the only place that you will be able to fill the void and from there the stuff, the things, the money, the jobs, the relationships will all shift and actually fill full you long term, not just for right now.  Find the source, get the root and repattern it.  Your life will change in ways you cannot begin to imagine!

If you want to live a wild souled life – download my 7 Steps to Living a Wild Soul Life.

 

Stay Wild,

Tonya

Comments

  1. Gail Nicholson

    I absolutely love what u write. And it reminds me of some things that i remembered from before.
    It feels really good to be reading all of this and especially to b working on issues and learning. I love it!!
    Thank you.
    I am starting to see different aspects and know what i am feeling and also learning to speak my truth.

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